To quote John Edwards, there are in fact two Americas, the America where I get to have illicit affairs while running for President and lie about it, and the America where if you did that, you’d probably wind up castrated.

But hey, perhaps just like Sen. Edwards went to learn about poverty by working at a hedge fund, perhaps he’ll go and learn about fidelity by partaking of the services of the Bunny Ranch.

Edward’s Statement:

In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs. I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness. Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public. When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough.

I’m sorry, but what kind of total jerk commits adultery on his WIFE WHO IS DYING OF CANCER. And then, calls it “a serious error in judgment,” yeah… Houston, we have a problem.

And by the way - Kudos to the Enquirer. But what does that say about the MSM? I mean, the newspapers that normally reports on Aliens and “Bat Boy” wound up actually breaking one of the hottest stories of the 2008 campaign.

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public. With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly. But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then. I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby. I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.

Hoped it would never remain public. Wow. See, in the world I live in, the “other America,” banging the help and then lying about it to try and cover it up, hoping it would never be made public - I would lose my security clearance as sure as the sun rises. My job, and career, would be over. Nevertheless, this is the guy who held himself up to be President of the United States.

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up - feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.

It is inadequate. However, I love the line “I started to believe that I was special….,” so, basically, Edwards was unable to control his penis because of narcissism. I mean, HE is the real victim here right? Not his wife. Not this woman. Not the voters. As for beating him up, I accept that challenge. I think being frog-marched naked with honey covering him at half time of the Super Bowl will be more than he beat himself up… but that’s just a guess. We could “kick it up a notch” by having the people in the stands throw softballs at him while he clucks like a chicken… I think that would definitely do it.

I wonder if his “Daddy in the mill” he talked so much about forgot to tell him not to dip his pen in the company ink.

I guess not.

What a putz. Truly. If there is a silver lining - I think this truly means that the progressive southpaw is finally out of politics. No convention speech. No hurrah for the delegates. It’s “put the fork in him because he’s done,” politics.

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