In the race for who will be the Vice Presidential nominee for the Republican ticket, pundits and commentarists alike exclaim that Sen. McCain needs a dynamic choice - a “game changer” - that will somehow propel the party back to national prominence and expunge the significant defects of Sen. McCain’s voting record with some of the deeply held core values of conservatism and the Republican Party. In that context, commentarists are ho-hum over picks like Gov. Tim Pawlenty, or former Senate candidate Michael Steele, or Gov. Haley Barbour. All of whom are excellent Republicans, but, won’t give Sen. McCain that desperate “game changer” that he needs. I got a game changer for you Sen. McCain - pick Hillary.

Let me first say that I don’t think McCain needs a game changer. I mean, for a moment, let’s be quite honest about Sen. McCain’s record and where McCain has been most of his political career. While the Republican Party is a ‘big tent,’ McCain is no conservative, and he certainly is not the heir to Ronald Reagan’s record, despite what Sen. McCain claims. To borrow from Charles Krauthammer for a moment  - his sins against the party are almost too numerous to count - but let’s just recap some of the highlights.

He’s voted against drilling in ANWR (heck he said as much in Iowa when he was campaigning). Despite what he says now - his statements are ambiguous enough that it’s tough to tell if he’s really serious about offshore drilling - versus just not getting pounded by Republicans. When McCain stands up and says “I’ll drill ANWR like a maniacal dentist and club seals myself if I have too,” then I will back off on my criticisms - but saying “We all know that a comprehensive solution is wind, tide, solar, all the other things all of us believe in,” isn’t a commitment to drill. It’s a commitment to the status quo. His nebulous statements about off-shore drilling, I just don’t see it. His record in the Senate doesn’t back it up. And if he has found “Jesus” on this issue - it’s like the convict who finds Jesus in prison - damned convenient to switch your views. Combine that with the fact that he’s sided routinely with the “environmentalists whackos” (to use Rush’s term) on the left in inhibiting growth in attempting to limit the employment of natural resources for the economy, and it’s clear to me McCain is no conservative on his economic v. ecological priorities. The greatest sin as of yet for Sen. McCain is his championing of a fundamentally flawed system to limit US growth called the “Cap and Trade” system - or as I call it - Greenopoly.

He went against the party in enacting “McCain-Feingold” (something which now he finds himself chafing & suffering under - in an unique bit of irony). He went against the party on immigration reform - something both he and the President think will result in more illegals voting for Republicans I suppose (which begs the question why we think illegals are voting at ALL).

McCain voted AGAINST the Bush tax cuts, not because - as he now claims - they were fiscally irresponsible, but because he benefited (in his view) the rich disproportionately. Briefly, from the Congressional Record, McCain in his own words, “I cannot in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us at the expense of middle-class Americans who most need tax relief.” (Now of course McCain favors making the tax cut permanent, a hollow gesture when faced with a likely overwhelming Democrat congress that will push to sunset the taxes).

There are more issues - but you get the point. If the Republican party needs to tack and change course - McCain is about as tack as you can get without busting the Captain’s wheel off the steering mast and throwing it into the ocean. He IS the game changer. His views are so far to the left of the party - his “maverick” status - he’s the one who is supposed to be inspiring the Party’s disgruntled moderates (myself being one of them I might add - despite what Limbaugh says about the Rockefeller conservatives).

But okay - that’s not enough I guess. Being in bed with the left on taxes, screwing up the economy in favor of fuzzy bunnies, limiting campaign speech, and screwing up taxes to punish “the rich” isn’t enough I guess to make the game change.

Well I got a game changer for ya Sen. McCain - choose Hillary Clinton as your running mate.

First of all, policy wise, McCain and Clinton really aren’t that far off. They agree on alot of the same premises - but their execution is slightly different. If McCain was looking for someone to help him execute his policies - I think Clinton would be willing to modify some of her stances in order to get in the end what they both seem to want - high taxes on the rich, high taxes on corporate America, high gas prices, no energy plan beyond energy independence, etc.

Second, the PUMA’s in the Democrat party are looking for a reason to vote against the Party. Since it’s obvious to me that McCain is likely to alienate about a third of the Republican party with his views - he might as well really go for broke with the left-leaning moderates and the Hillarites and try and draw them to the camp. It would mean for certain McCain wins Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and possibly even he Democrat strongholds of north atlantic. Hillary, unlike other candidates for VP, really could bring to the McCain camp about 4-7 million voters.

Third, it would show Republicans really are the “big tent” and can  be bi-partisan. I mean most of us would be wondering what exactly to do with our RNC memberships if McCain were to go “fusion” on us and pick Hillary. It would be so ridiculous - it would be equivalent to Montgomery deciding to make up and be friends with Rommel after the battle of el Alamein. The Republican party has made a cottage industry out of bashing the Clintons. I can’t imagine now “Bubba” being one of our operatives - and Hillary - being inside the Party.

Fourth, it would likely cause Obama to have a stroke - or if not a stroke - put his foot through the TV. After saying that the Clintons would support Obama, for them to sign on to the RNC’s ticket would have to make him pull out the remaining strips of hair left on his head. His team would quickly do the math and realize that they probably lose about 30 electoral votes with her flipping sides, not to mention the convention is now all about the new fusion team, and Obama’s “golden boy” status would be replaced with the media’s excitement about the first potentially successful fusion ticket - McCain-Hillary. It would be “Hope and Change,” versus “True, Trusted, and Ready to lead on Day one.”

Fifth, it would definitely make the McCain campaign more interesting. I’m sorry - while Sen. Obama was busy playing President in Europe, Sen. McCain was a whiny little dork. His speech at “Schmidt’s Sausage Haus und Restaurant” in German Village, an enclave of Columbus, Ohio, was whiny and pathetic. Obama’s rallying crowds and spouting nonsense, and McCain’s tepid reply was, “I’d love to give a speech in Germany, but I’d much prefer to do it as President.” Wow. Gave me chills. I was inspired. Made me almost as excited as watching paint dry.

But adding Hillary would definitely get things riled up. You’d have a third of the party going on Jihad burning their RNC cards and off to form some new party - the right-to-life-low-taxes party, or something to that ilk. You’d have the media swooning saying what a great leader McCain is for picking Hillary. You’d even have JAMES CARVILLE and PAUL BEGALA having to sing the praises of the RNC and the McCain-Hillary ticket. Think about how crazed for a moment that would be!

Sixth, you’d probably cause the DNC to implode. While the RNC is definitely disgruntled, the possibility of implosion is pretty small. On the other hand, the Hillarites (organized under PUMA or other similarly situated groups) are just itching to blow up the party in response to the arrogance of the Obama team. I suspect that Hillary supporters would like nothing more than to throw Howard Dean the finger at the convention and then cheer and vote for Hillary in Minneapolis as the Republican nominee.

And Finally, let’s not forget, our friend Hillary started life as a Goldwater Girl. Joining a ticket like McCain wouldn’t be that big of a stretch for her.

Of course, if you haven’t figured out by now - most of this article is satire. While McCain’s record is quite disturbing - I am convinced that his views are significnatly less detrimental than those of “hope and change and a better tomorrow” under Obama. However, I’m only slightly tongue-and-cheek about choosing Hillary. If a game changer is what McCain needs - then chosing Hillary is about as good as it’s going to get.

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